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So what was that all about then?  I’ve just had to spend two days in a darkened room because I thought I was having another one of my flashbacks.  What did all of that have to do with the Olympics?  It certainly proved that we do weird and surreal to gold medal standard, but all of that showing off wasn’t very British, was it?  Although, to be fair, most of the sets and props looked like they were about to fall apart if anyone looked sideways at them, which is very British.

You could take it seriously until Batman and Robin fell out of an exploding Trottermobile to the sound of Michael Caine’s “You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off”.  I bet everyone got that reference instantly in Idaho and Irkutsk.  And then it started to get really strange.  The Pet Shop Boys doing “West End Girls” while being wheeled around the athletics track on 2 of the most rickety rickshaws you’ll ever see was only the start of the weirdness.  And why did they try to link everything with strings that sounded like the weird bit in “A Day in the Life”?

It was great that they managed to include something to offend just about everyone.  We got complaints about blasphemy because “Imagine” started with “Imagine there’s no heaven…”; I complained because it’s a dreadful, sanctimonious hypocritical dirge, but no-one paid any attention to that.  Ed Sheeran did a workmanlike version of Pink Floyd classic “Wish You Were Here” backed by an assortment of 70s proggers and his fans tweeted excitedly about his great new song; bless.  Surely the section where Russell Brand mimed “I Am the Walrus” was only put in there to make the audience go for another drink, like the ballad halfway through a heavy metal set.  I can’t think of another reason for it.

And what was Kaiser Karaoke all about?  Didn’t they have one song that was good enough to play at this event?  Though I don’t suppose “I Predict a Riot” would have been a great choice and “Pinball Wizard” is all about inclusivity.  Talking of choices, it was a bit rich that George Michael used the event as an opportunity to plug his new single although, to be fair, he doesn’t get out that much apart from his residency at Brent Magistrates Court.  Another interesting choice was getting Beady Eye to play “Wonderwall”.  I know it was a Liam vocal originally, but it sounded like an Oasis tribute band (Wibbling Rivalry or something like that).

Now, about that flashback.  I’m sure I saw a psychedelic bus turn into an octopus which then spat out Fatboy Slim (I’m assuming it was the mouth he came out of) who grinned and pretended to DJ for a while.  So I had a little lie down for a while and when I looked at the screen again it had got even stranger, if you can believe that.  Eric Idle singing “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” surrounded by angels, morris dancers and roller-skating nuns was what finally tipped me over the edge.  I’m better now, but I’m sticking to more normal stuff from now on; maybe the Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band or Captain Beefheart.