We like to get a Northern perspective from Steve but this time he’s raising some really important issues about hygiene that apply across the country. OK, it’s not a celebration of 2023, but it’s important and without getting too political, it’s all about a general relaxation of standards and lack of enforcement. Here we go:

Now, then. My High Fives list this year is a strange one.

I find that, due to the gigs I tend to go to and the fact that the live music-loving population seems to be getting older on average; or at least those with the disposable to spend on it – you would think that venues would make every attempt not to kill off an ageing clientele for good business reasons quite apart from any moral or humanist imperative.

However, it does seem to me that some are running pretty fast and loose with significant health risks.

Here’s my High Fives for this year.

Glasses that are minging

Please, please, please – do not serve drinks in glasses which haven’t seen the dishwasher. I don’t want to see thumb prints on glass sides, beer going flat with grease within seconds of pouring, or grey, simply dirty glass conveying otherwise pristine beer. It is not the fault of the guy who had the glass before me that he had a burger with his pint – but I do not wish to share it with him, thank you. Alcohol can and does kill a lot of viruses BUT not all and not at the strength of a lot of ‘session’ beer and as for alcohol free for the poor Nominated Driver, a.k.a. Future Patient, well. This is not the sixteenth century, we do not have to drink alcohol to prevent ourselves from dying of some horrible waterborne infection but. Please. If I’m going to pay serious money to buy a drink, please make sure it is in a Clean Glass. It doesn’t seem too much to ask.

Glasses which aren’t glasses

A number of venues I have frequented recently are selling drinks in reusable plastic tumblers. This is an unavoidable fact of life to avoid injury from broken glass in all forms, either on the floor, flying through the air, brandished by a maniac, whatever it might happen to be. BUT. These receptacles are susceptible to getting scratched, especially if stacked twenty high when dirty and these then make them very difficult to wash properly so it is particularly important this happens so that the punter is not inadvertently poisoned by some lurgy-infected crevice in the plastic.

Plastic glasses which aren’t reusable, being re-used

One-use plastic is, rightly I feel, frowned upon now for very real environmental reasons as we slowly wake up to the thought of drowning in our own plastic waste. However, I have, on occasion and in certain live settings, seen what were clearly intended as one-use containers collected in for re-use. This is, frankly, horrible. The plastic of these things is very soft and will not stand up to reuse and ‘washing’. Gorges rise at the very thought. 

The Bogs

A frequent and recurring theme of mine. A great many venues, no names and no pack drill of course, make absolutely every effort to make sure the Facilities do not in themselves constitute a health hazard and we have, in the main, come a long way from balancing over a fetid latrine on a plank. BUT. There are those, all of whom will no doubt fervently deny this, particularly on a busy Saturday night, where things start off with the personal hygiene bar set at ‘Low’ and when the four-hourly inspection comes around, seem to open the door, observe the mayhem and carnage and say yep, ‘pretty much as it was’ in that the urinals are still overflowing and you can’t get a pee without complementary wet socks. 

PLEASE wash your hands

And it’s not all ‘their fault’. A completely unscientific, unofficial and uncorroborated survey found that around 40% of men at a gig do not wash their hands, you know, with actual soap and everything, after a trip to the ablutions. I have no figures relating to women and therefore would not assume anything. This is completely irresponsible and shows a total disregard for your fellow human beings. I don’t want to cringe every time I grab a metal handrail or put my hand on the edge of the bar. I’m tempted to excuse you if it is during the encore but no, the great pestilence has no respect for artistic merit or the set list.

And with all this in mind I wish you a happy, and healthy, New Year.